


My Secret

by danfaz94



Series: Spander Drabble [5]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Drabble, Gay, Gay Male Character, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 22:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15034331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danfaz94/pseuds/danfaz94
Summary: Xander Harris has secretly been dating Spike for several weeks. He's not ready to tell Buffy and Willow about him specifically, but he does want to tell them he's in a relationship with a man. He decides to tell them one night whilst visiting them in their dorm, but how will they take the news?





	My Secret

**Author's Note:**

> This alternate universe takes place some time towards the end of Season 4, when Buffy and Willow are still sharing a dorm at college. Xander and Spike have been dating for several weeks at this stage.

If there was one thing that Xander Harris was absolutely certain about, it was that he was in love with Spike. At first, he couldn’t even admit that to himself – but now he actually felt like this was something he could admit to his closest friends. Well, maybe not tell who the actual person is. Just that it’s a man.

As he made his way to the campus, he kept going over in his head how he would drop the news. There was no way around it – this was going to come as a shock to them. After all, he’d only ever shown interest in women and had exclusively dated them as well. First Cordelia, and then Anya – and then there was his dalliance with Willow and his very vocal crush on Buffy. He’d even lost his virginity to Faith. So suddenly announcing that he was in love with another guy was going to be a pretty significant deal.

 **In love**. He could barely believe it. Not just that he was saying this about a man, but that it was about Spike. Not in a million years did he ever expect to feel this way. However, last night had changed all that. Sure, the two of them had had sex a few times by now – but last night, they had actually done what Xander would describe as make love.

That’s when he knew that he had to tell Buffy and Willow. Not the Spike part – that would remain a secret for the foreseeable future. But he had to let them know that he was in love. And he had to let them know that it was with a man. They were like his family and he owed them that much.

Before long, he was at the door to their dorm. He took a deep breath and knocked firmly.

‘Xander!’ Willow squealed, pulling him into a hug. ‘Come in!’

‘Sorry I’m late,’ Xander mumbled, as Buffy too came forward to embrace him. ‘I just had to sort a few things out.’

Buffy and Willow looked at each other and giggled.

Xander sat down on the end of a bed. ‘What?’

‘Come on, Xander,’ Buffy smirked. ‘We’re not morons. We’ve noticed how happy you’ve been lately. Like you’re all loved up! So, come on – spill! Are you back with Anya?’

Xander shook his head. ‘No, not her.’ He shouldn’t be surprised that they had noticed a change in him. He could honestly say that he’d never felt happier in his life and he found it impossible to hide.

‘Well you’re getting smoochies from someone,’ Willow said, sitting on her chair as if she was getting ready for an interrogation. ‘And we need to know who it is for... well, for best friend reasons.’

Buffy nodded. ‘What she said. So, is it someone from our college? You’ve been to quite a few campus parties with us...’

‘No, nothing like that.’

Buffy narrowed her eyes in mock suspicion. ‘Well, I know you’re not back with Cordelia. Not even you’re desperate enough to travel to LA just for sex. Or, I don’t know, maybe you are...’

Xander sighed. ‘Come on, guys. It’s not Cordelia... give me some credit here.’

‘Hmm...’ Buffy seemed stumped. ‘So it’s not Anya, it’s not Cordelia... and it’s no-one at our college...’

‘Oh, oh, I know!’ Willow exclaimed, bouncing excitedly in her seat. ‘It’s that barista from the Espresso Pump! Err, I think her name’s Josie or something.’

Xander rubbed his forehead. ‘You’re way off.’

Willow frowned. ‘This is hard.’

‘Okay,’ Buffy said, ‘let’s try a different tact. Tell us what you do with them. Maybe we can work out the clues that way.’

Xander could barely suppress his amusement – there majority of what he and Spike spent their time doing together was not something he’d feel comfortable talking about with his friends.

Buffy apparently registered what he was thinking. ‘Apart from that,’ she laughed. ‘Come on, Xander. Tell us why you chose this girl over everyone else. What makes her worthy?’

‘Well... we have fun.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I enjoy spending time with him.’

There was a moment of silence as the last word hit the two girls.

Willow was the first to speak. ‘Him?’

Buffy’s eyes widened. ‘Oh. Xander, are you...’

‘I’m in love another boy,’ Xander said, quickly. The words were out of his mouth before he could back out. He took a deep breath and continued. ‘That is to say the person I’m seeing... he has a penis. Like me. Not female.’

‘Yeah... we get the picture,’ Buffy said. She looked at Willow, who still looked in shock, then back at Xander. ‘So... err, you and him, you...’ she struggled to finish her sentence and instead opted to look at her fingernails.

Xander felt his heart drop. ‘Are you guys... are you freaked?’

The two girls looked at each other guiltily. The truth was that this news had come as a surprise, but neither of them would ever want to hurt their best friend. Xander’s eyes were welling with tears.

‘No,’ Willow said firmly. ‘Absolutely not. Freaked? No way.’

‘That’s right,’ Buffy said, firmly. ‘We’re glad you told us.’

They both walked over to Xander and wrapped their arms around him. He sobbed and laughed and fell to his knees in relief. The girls chuckled and joined him on the floor.

‘He must be a great guy to catch the attention of our little Xander,’ Willow said, smiling.

‘He is,’ Xander said, thinking about he and Spike had spent the night before laid in bed talking for hours. ‘There’s something between us... I wasn’t looking for it, you know. But it’s powerful.’

Buffy rubbed his back and nudged him encouragingly. ‘You ready to give us his name yet?’

Xander smiled, but shook his head. ‘One step at a time, eh?’

She nodded. ‘I understand.’

The three of them spent the rest of the night watching television and discussing trivial things. Xander was so grateful that nothing had changed and felt a rush of gratitude towards these two amazing people. He knew that they’d eventually have to find out that the man in his life was Spike, which would bring up a whole host of problems, but that didn’t matter now. All that mattered was that he was finally being himself and his two best friends had accepted him for who he is.


End file.
